Imagine you are on a walk in the woods. It’s a beautiful day. You hear the birds chirp, the air is crisp and fresh, so much so you can almost smell spring and the forest coming to life. The sunlight casts its rays through the shade of the trees. You are as relaxed as you’ve been in a long time and are truly living in the present moment. Then…..
SNAP!! You hear a twig crack… followed by the sound of rustling……….
How do most people automatically respond? If you’re like me, without consciously thinking about it, you freeze, your adrenaline spikes and your heart rate jumps. Your first reaction is to enter flight or flight mode as there might be a major threat nearby! Then, you look into the woods and see a squirrel prancing around searching for food. Whew, that was close! Not really, but it sure felt like you were in danger there.
WHY DO WE REACT THIS WAY?
That automatic reaction is what scientists refer to as the Negativity Bias. It’s hard wired into our species from thousand of years ago. And it’s one of the many reasons our species (and your lineage) is still here today. Our ancestors — Archaic Man — needed this negativity bias in order to survive. In primitive times, that “squirrel” might very well have been a Saber-tooth tiger. And if your ancestor chose to ignore such a threat in favor of focusing on the smells of nature, they likely would have become dinner for the tiger, thus ending your genealogical lineage.
VELCRO AND TEFLON
In extreme circumstances, this instinct can serve us well. But what about in the First World, when all we typically face are your usual “First World Problems”? Ever wonder why your sales presentation feels so scary? Or why your high school tennis match feels like “life or death”? Its the Negativity Bias at work. Our brains are like velcro for danger and negativity. And like teflon for positive things.
In our typically comfortable life, we don’t have those types of extreme dangers to occupy our minds on a daily basis. So, our unconscious minds project danger onto simple, everyday problems. And amplifies them to feel like a life or death encounter with a tiger. This is why your upcoming conversation with your boss, while important, feels disproportionately scary.
TAMING THE TIGER
This reactive thinking pattern can hinder both our success and enjoyment of everyday life. If it’s hardwired in us, what can we do to overcome it?
I will tell you from first hand experience it is NOT EASY to overcome Negativity Bias. I have a very strong startle reflex and occasional paranoia of otherwise normal things, as my wife will tell you. To overcome the habit takes consistent and daily practice. Some things you can do include:
- Be aware of the Negativity Bias and remind yourself of its existence. This alone won’t do it, but its an important first step. You may still over react to things, but now you’ll be aware and can start to feel it as it happens.
- Ask yourself, what small challenges in your life are you turning into saber-tooth tigers? Write them down. It will help normalize them for you.
- Focus on the positive. Remember negativity is like velcro. Ever have a performance review and all the feedback was positive except one comment? Which comment do we focus on? That negative comment is like velcro. We have to be deliberate in our intent to focus on the positive.
Here are some exercises you can do to re-focus towards the good in your life:
1. Every day, write down three good things that happened to you.
2. Express gratitude. Expressing gratitude emits brain chemicals of well being. Once per week, write, email or text someone who you are grateful for. Tell them why you appreciate. them.
3. Meditate. The science is squarely behind this one and the impact it has on your brain.
4. Meditation not for you? Grab your headsets and listen to your favorite tunes. There’s growing evidence that listening to music has similar effect to meditation. For me, depending on my mood I’m either going with beach tunes (think Jimmy Buffett) or songs that fire me up to compete (think Green Day or John Mellencamp).
Do you know what your Saber-tooth tigers are? And what’s one thing you will do today to start reshaping your own narrative around them? Happy mindset-changing!!